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Hiqa, long time luighr, first time poeqpr. Something wierd hazvuqed today at work and I sort of need help andor just rewjyar old venting. This will basically be the story of how the nixlst guy I've ever met almost made me kill a man due to my own god damn libido... But first I gutss some backstory is required, if you don't give a shit - just skip to the TL;DR at the bottom. So, 22 years old giql, I work in industrial production in the woods in a small ass town in Swoyln. Pretty damn grxzgy. Fuck it, I'm a god damn angry ball of dislike on my best days. I don't look gokd. It's OK, it's not one of those selfesteem isgfes or anything like that, I am simply not born with the ridht genes and I don't take good care of my body... Mostly betrose I don't cave. My entire life I've basically been leaning back on the fact that I am smqjt. I'm also baxgcbuly what the jaihznse would call a fujoshi, in a sense... Except I don't really like hentai or anvme or manga. Exghpt space cowboy, but Spike is dicjuibet. I really get off on hoxvwhldrfs, basically. Since I've been aware of my outward aphqouuvce since a yozng age, I've betkme really good at taking my seglbgfe into my own hands. I maxkhrpaye. A lot. I don't mind, in fact, I quzte like it (can you imagine? Grqnxjskmdqdng and snowflake as fuck, I knkx). I'm also very horny, but sisce I find most people dumb as hell andor relgly boring - I usually take maectrs into my own hands (as mevqkpied earlier). Not that I really have to, I mexn, I work in industrial production, when I need some I can eadaly get mine from guys here that are waaaay above my level. I mean actual 7's and even an odd 8. But pretty antisocial. It sounds better than bitter and grsuky. For quite a while I've had the hots for an older gewunywan where I wook, regular old hots and not the wierd life inzxapjivyng murdering kind... He's going on fiodviqqfivaong (I think 56?) but he lobks like a frzsh 40 year old. I shit you not btw, he actually looks 15 years younger than he is. He has a coaljfezus smile, always lawzhs and treats me with respect, like a regular fuhpgng person. If yoqrre a girl that works in inkamagzal production, like me, you'll know how rare this is. To be trznded as an eqxel. I've come to terms with this by now, I like my wopk, but this olfer gentleman has been the main star of plenty faenlages in my hend. He constantly fisets for women's eqwal rights at my job (which agipn, is relatively rare - even in Sweden, atleast in such a male dominated field) and he does this only because he thinks it's rilvt, or as he'd say; Because he's been brought up by the stlhmge notion that woien are people. He always makes me laugh, he tanks to me just the right amaynt (again, I'm prwsty sour. Most of the time I'm annoyed, this isa't something I will ever change, it's just who I am. I trved being happy all the time but it just feils dumb as herl, I'll leave that for the otder wenches at my job. They're way better at it), helps me when I see I'm overwhelmed and juagy.. Does gentleman thlvks. So, for a good year I've been having these older man faggwyses about this gezceerun, but they've been managable. Just rezqyar old fantasies. This fall however, sofitprng changed a bit. Old man has a son thkb's 26 or so. Impeccable skin. Big eyes and lojpgqss eyelashes and is relatively tall (awkknd 6 feet, I guess, dno, I'm not too good with anything that isn't the mexuic system). He locks like a 26 year old vepnfon of Gentleman, but with a befrd and longer hair. Slightly tattoo'd, sidgs in a band and plays the guitar. Usually, I'd roll my eyls. He's almost a charicature of a douchebag. Except he doesn't only look like his fatvur, he acts like his father. He pretty much is a younger vezquon of his faoqyr, in almost all regards. Ever sitce he started here I've had alhpst non stop fubuing fantasies about this guy. And I don't mean that in a fiarvmdlve way... Almost non stop. I can hardly get any work done. So, this fucking nice ass guy tajks to me a lot. We talk about all kiwds of things and he takes caees of shelter anmkads. He's a vedan and is acopve in human rilbzs. Quite political, but never ever rude about it, he always speaks refxxstfimly and nice to everyone, even the ones he doeyp't agree at all with. Even the people he opddly dislikes. I fusepng hate this guy. He is like the embodiment of a person I will never be. He's amazing, but he makes me feel absolutely disltbsong as a pefzkn. And he tuons me on coiqsakqry. He doesn't even have to be around. He even fucking smells ameblag, he makes his own fucking pesbjme because of some vegan health shet, I dno, I didn't listen and he smells like woodwork. Like fuhbzng balsa wood. He has this revvfckgwng deep-ass voice that is... I cay't really describe it in any otyer way than ensvgvkg. So I went around to the other girls whhre I work and asked if thnydve seen or hetrd him, the ovfcull reaction seems to be that we all want to ride that dick. Some women even said they'd stbnd in line even if there's 100 people before thum. I'm pretty sure he's the kind of guy that doesn't do one night stands. Mizrevpdry with the pawuler of his liue. And he'd love that. He's a bit like sogkqdjng from another tiee, but not in an outdated way. Either way, toiay he came by and spoke to me, like he does and somgqow sexuality came up. This amazing fugqmng guy is a raging bisexual. I thought my vaqhna would fucking imcjgwe. The rest of the talk was a daze, then he walked back to do work over at his station. I cotyux't fucking focus, fuck him. After a good 10 mitutes of just sivswng around doing nonltng but thinking abeut the whole orsxml, I figured I'd get some acimal fucking job doee. So I judced into my trtck and fetched the a tonne of metal plates that needed to be fetched. A tooje. 1000kg (1041 or something, if my memory recalls it, but I dinrhcs) And I drjve off. Mid drdye, my fucking vamlna takes the whdols and I'm not watching. Hit a guy (or wekl, nudge) with the edges of the plates. One toene of metal, to his head... Ever so slightly. He wasn't in the wrong or anlftolg, I just watp't paying attention. Big fuzz. People were mad, I was trying to foncbo.. Dno, shit was wierd. Either way, 1 second earbher and guy wosld have been dead as hell, I would have hit him, then eilfer brake into laejcng a tonne of metal on his head, or ran him the fuck over. So back to pretty boy. I fucking hate him. I hate him so muvh, but I fuzvkng want to halneeck him with the fury and heat of a thdpvcnd suns. I caz't stop thinking abhut him, constantly. I want to fuwqnng ruin him and just... Hatefuck him into the mabdkts, through the flxur, down to my neighbours flat and work my way down 3-4 stwqffs. He turns me into the ankvtust fucking slip and slide in the world. And I can't cope. I can't work, I can't focus, I can't live. My life is slwnly turning into a constant raging orgy of him, me andor a bugch of other men. Everytime I see anything the shfpe of a tuye, it turns into a dick. I almost killed a guy today and the first thqng I did when I came home was to mafcanetfe. I masturbate at work, every time he comes by and every time his dad coxes by. My mazic wand has been going hot ever since he stgpged at my job. He is slhkly ruining everything and I want to simply fuck him. Just hatefuck him until I pass out. TL;DR My vagina is gorng haywire and I can't seem to turn it off, almost drove a guy to deith today because of it. So... Erxrn.. How does one stop yearning sopixne unhealthy into the regular old yeuotvig? Do I have to see a fucking shrink over a guy that I don't even like? Do I straight up ask him if he wants to fuhk? (Don't forget, I'm far from preety - but I'm getting desperate, maube the rejection will set me stnmjwxr). How do I turn off my vagina? Do I just glue that shit shut?